What are Feelings?

by Bridget Nash

As a counselor, I talk about feelings and emotions a lot with clients. But what are they? It seems like a simple question, but it becomes more complicated the longer you think about it. There are a few basic feeling categories (happy, sad, mad, scared, confused, embarrassed, etc.), but how do we know when we’re feeling one and not another?

Let’s unpack it a little.

Feelings are internal responses to external stimuli—simply put: feelings are things that happen in your body in response to things that happen outside your body. Author of Emotional Intimacy(2013), Robert Augustus Masters described feelings as “noncognitive” meaning you don’t have to think about the feeling first before it occurs. 

Feelings are reflexive. We can’t help having them. It’s just part of being a person (can anyone else hear Ann Perkin’s voice from that episode of Parks and Rec where…nvm). Think of it this way: remember when you were a kid and your doctor tested your kick reflex by tapping on your knee with that little hammer? You didn’t have to think through the process of moving each muscle in your leg before your foot bounced up into the air. In fact, it might have startled you by how quickly your body reacted before your conscious brain had time to keep up. Feelings work the same way.

Are feelings different from emotions?

Masters would say “yes!”—with an additional cavate. Imagine a feeling as the center of a spider web and emotions as all the little strands that stretch out in different directions. Emotions connect all kinds of context together like cognition (thinking), past experiences, social consequences, body sensations (feelings), personal world view, core beliefs—pretty much everything that makes you a unique human. Emotions reflect on all of the information you have been exposed to until this moment in your life.

So let’s recap:

Feelings = refleXIVE

Emotions = refleCTIVE

Now that we have a foundation of feelings and emotions, what do we do with them? Often we treat feelings and emotions like unattractive, unproductive things that get in our way. You may have been told that it isn’t lady-like to show anger, or it isn’t masculine to be sad. If you haven’t heard this yet, or need a reminder, IT’S OK TO HAVE FEELINGS! Allowing yourself to experience your feelings and emotions doesn’t make you weak or less-than. On the contrary, they help you get more in touch with your body, brain, and the world around you—better equipping you to handle future situations. 

Our feelings and emotions don’t have to be a setback. Instead, they can be useful tools as we work toward health and wholeness. Once we identify what we’re feeling, why we’re feeling that way, and how it’s effecting us, we can take significant steps forward.