Why Your Therapist Friend Wont't Take You on as Client

Dec 28

Dec 28 Why Your Therapist Friend Wont't Take You on as Client

by Adam Nash

I, Adam, often get a question from my close friends something like “why can’t you see me for counseling?” Every time I am asked this question I struggle to give a good answer because, in most situations in life, there is nothing holding you back from having a “dual relationship” (therapist speak, I will explain later) with someone. Having your friend be your hairstylist, your tax guy, or your mechanic is totally normal and often encouraged–so then why can’t your friend be your therapist? I mean, they already know me and I am already comfortable with them.

What is a “Dual Relationship”

Before explaining why therapists don’t (normally) take on friends as clients we must first define “dual relationships” (or multiple relationships) to better understand why therapists avoid these relationships. According to the APA (American Psychological Association) multiple relationships are explained as follows.

STANDARD 3.05 MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS

(a) A multiple relationship occurs when a psychologist is in a professional role with a person and (1) at the same time is in another role with the same person, (2) at the same time is in a relationship with a person closely associated with or related to the person with whom the psychologist has the professional relationship, or (3) promises to enter into another relationship in the future with the person or a person closely associated with or related to the person (Behnke, 2004).

Basically, what this means is that any relationship that a therapist is in before the start of the therapeutic relationship or with a plan to have a relationship afterwards is a multiple (or “dual”) relationship.

Why do Therapist Avoid Dual Relationships

The first reason why therapists avoid these relationships is because “Psychotherapy is by necessity an imbalanced relationship” (Holmes, 2020). This results in one person–the client–explaining a lot about their life and another–the therapist–listening, but not really opening up about their personal life because they want to stay focused on the client and allow them to work through the things happening in his or her life in the limited amount of time that therapy offers.

The second (and possibly more important) reason, is that because this “imbalanced relationship” can lead to the therapist being in a position of power and able to manipulate the client in some way. In the past, and present, many therapists have used this power imbalance to their advantage by convincing their client that something is good for them and their therapy. Because of this, the APA has set out to avoid having issues with this by instructing all therapists to avoid “dual relationships.” Many therapists see this as the main reason why they avoid dual relationships. “The primary rationale for the argument to abstain from all dual relationships is that therapists may misuse their power to influence and exploit clients for their own benefit and to the clients’ detriment” (Zur and Lazarus). Because of this, therapists avoid dual relationships in order to not reduce the risk of, purposely or accidentally, taking advantage of our clients.

The third reason why therapists often will not work with their friends is because, as a therapist, our job and goal is to be your advocate for what is best for you and your life. Because of this, if we are already friends with our clients, it is extremely difficult to advocate impartially (without taking our own wants and opinions into account) because we are already invested in your life and relationships, and your choices may impact us in certain ways.

With this in mind, I encourage you that the next time you ask your therapist friend to see you for therapy to understand that they are not saying “no” because they don’t care for you, but because they want what is best for you.